This post is part of a series: Essential Skills for New Parents: How yoga practices can help you parent with peace and presence.
HOW TO BE PRESENT
Sure, we want to be present with our children…
Let’s admit it.
Babies can be cute, but not always terribly engaging to be with. They don’t have a lot to say, and don’t really do much. Even as they get bigger, playing blocks and dolls is just not that engaging to the adult mind. The adult mind has been trained to work, to worry, to plan, to ruminate, to think. Staying present with a baby or small child can be hard. The mind is easily pulled away to more engaging things- like raking the lawn or organizing the silverware.
But babies and children need our undivided attention. They need daily does of our concentrated presence.
So how do we tear our adult minds away from its habits long enough to fill our babies and young children’s tank with the devoted presence that they need?
It was one lazy morning when my son was pleading with me to play legos with him that I realized that this was an opportunity to employ the yogic skill of concentration.
Concentration is basically being able to keep the mind on what you want it to be on. It is teaching the mind to stay rather than letting it wander.
The mind’s tendency is to wander. We can use the power of our attention and our will to keep it where we want it to be.
The mind is a very powerful tool, if you use it as such. Most of us don’t. Concentrating the mind on what you want it to be on is like harnessing the power of flowing water into a channel rather than letting it run across an open field. The water concentrated in the channel has the power to create: energy, landforms, transportation. Water running across an open field just makes a mess. When we can learn to keep our minds on what we want, we have the power to create.
Keeping the mind focused on our child rather than our to do list is an essential skill for creating connection with our child. They will quickly alert you when your focus is not on them. They can tell when you are miles away in your head and will do what it takes to get you back in front of them. Often this entails screaming, or doing something else that they know you don’t want them to do.
Since the world is set up with so many distractions, it is necessary to be aware of and to practice concentration. There are a few ways to practice this in your daily activities as a parent:
Keep your mind present with your child. Set a timer for 5 or 10 minutes and just be with your baby or child, focusing on them, following their lead, observing, listening. Keep your mind away from mental to do lists, looking around the room, trying to fix, guide or teach your child. Don’t pick lint from the carpet, or put toys away. Just be with your child. This will be difficult, but it will greatly strengthen your connection with your child.
Stay focused on a task until it is complete. Load the dishwasher until completion. Do one thing at a time. Set a timer and focus on one task only until the timer goes off. Re-training the mind to stay focused on one task only will benefit you in terms of efficiency.
Put your device down. When you are with your baby or child, or with anyone for that matter, put your device down. Refrain from the unconscious habit of picking it up and looking at it. If you are using a device and your child, your spouse, or your friend comes in the room, put it down, close the laptop and look up. This small but difficult act will greatly enhance your relationships.
There will be times when you have to get tasks done when you are with your child. It will be easier to get those tasks done if you have already given your child a dose of your undivided attention and presence. You can also acknowledge that your attention has shifted. “Ok, I am going to work on this for a few minutes.”.
Stay tuned, in the next post on Present Moment Awareness, I will give a few more tricks on how to keep yourself present with your child so that you can create connection, build love, and fill their need for your devoted, undivided presence. These skills and techniques are really needed in this age where there are so many distractions and so many of us have minds that are trained to be in many places at once. Our children give us the opportunity to learn to be present. The present moment is where life is happening and where all the goodies are: love, peace, and joy.
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This post is part of a series:
Essential Skills for New Parents: How yoga practices can help you parent with peace and presence.
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I am working on a book on the same topic to compile all the practices with further information and make it available as an easy reference for new and expecting parents. Please subscribe to my newsletter in the blue box below if you want to be sure to get the book.
LOVE AND PEACE
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Nicole St. Arnaud is a twice-certified Yoga Instructor in Iyengar and Yasodhara Yoga, a Reiki Master, a Heartmath certified practitioner, and a parent. She has been living with chronic illness and exploring the healing journey for over 20 years.
Nicole is a regular contributor for theMighty.com , and shares insights and reflections from her healing journey on aslowerkindoflife.com.
